Storms.

Today was a terribly stormy day.

Driving through Millsboro this morning, the sky was black, the clouds were relieving themselves in a torrential downpour, and it looked like 8 pm rather than 8 am.

Last night, the storms woke me from a dead sleep. I remember being scared awake by a clap of thunder so loud and so long that the house shook. My heart was racing so fast that it seemed to take forever for me to calm down and fall back asleep.

When I was little, I was terrified of storms. (And everything else in the universe. I had a vivid imagination.) I remember my mom telling me it was nothing to be afraid of, but I didn't dare believe her because as soon as I let my guard down, I knew the thunder was gonna get me. Or that maybe God was angry and was heading down to seek vengeance. Either way, those awful sounds couldn't be good.

My daughter was in tears last night. Cold sweats. Whimpering in my lap. It made me recall being a little girl so terrified of storms. My little girl and I, we're a bit too much alike. I explained how Jehovah makes it rain, and the sky gets too hot, and the clouds rub together and make electricity which makes big scary noises, but that we were safe in our house. She fell asleep with me holding her. I don't recall having that as a child. Maybe that will make all the difference.

The truth is, I'm still scared of storms. At least the night time ones. You can't see what's going on outside. You only get brief, sharp flashes of intense white punctuated by a resounding clap of thunder. And you have no control. You're helpless.

I've said before I'm a complete control freak. I'm finding with self reflection just how true that statement is. It's so bad that I cannot allow myself to be vulnerable around others in any way shape or form. I'm terrified of what might happen if I allow someone to control me in that way.

Life is full of all sorts of little storms. I suppose that's the best part of the journey,  isn't it? Riding or the storms and learning more and more about yourself as you go. The bigger the storms, the greater the character. Or perhaps some of us build character, and some of us buckle under the pressure.

Well that's a whole other discussion completely. I'm tired. It's been a stormy day.

Love etc,
Alex.Is